My Therapeutic Approach
As a therapist and academic, I have focused on understanding the impact of childhood trauma on our social and emotional development. This led me to more generally understanding personality development, particularly through the lens of our relationship with our selves, including self-esteem and self-confidence. Through this exploration and understanding, I now know that our relationship with ourselves is the foundation of all other relationships and experiences. That said, trauma, especially in childhood when we're most vulnerable, is the mechanism by which we lose ourselves, resulting in many, if not all, of the social, emotional, psychological, and even physical issues we deal with in adulthood.
Ego & Soul
Through my own journey of CounSouling, I've discovered an interesting way to conceptualize why our childhood experiences continue to impact us in adulthood. It involves the relationship between our Ego and our Soul. Ego, as defined by the founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, is the conscious part of the personality that mediates between our primal impulses and moral constraints, helping us adapt and survive our lived experiences and environment. Soul, according to psychiatrist and psychotherapist, Carl Jung, the creator of Analytical Psychology, is the aspect of the psyche that connects the physical and spiritual through imagination, passion, fantasy, and reflection. Our Soul's purpose is to guide us toward self-realization, or the fulfillment of our unique potential through the realization of our true nature and essence, beyond the limitations of our Ego and this physical world.
Ego is the aspect of our psyche that helps us navigate the social and physical landscape of life. It pays attention to who and how we are in the world. It notices how we are received and perceived by others. It is adaptive and committed to protecting us. Through our early, most vulnerable experiences as children, Ego is influenced and conditioned by what makes us feel safe and unsafe. Note that safety is a relative term, meaning our brains do not differentiate between social safety and physical safety. In other words, someone who made us feel stupid, ashamed, or embarrassed can feel like we're going to die, especially in childhood when we're dependent on others for survival. We have not yet developed the ability to provide for ourselves or had enough life experience to be able to adequately understand the complexity of social interactions. Children, especially younger than age 7, think concretely and see things at face value. They do not understand intentions or other abstract concepts. Their point of view is that everything revolves around them and is about them. This is when we're most likely to take things personally, meaning if trauma happens to us during this period, we believe that there was something about us that caused it. Because of this, we adapt and try to prevent that experience from happening again. This is when our Ego begins to dominate our consciousness.
Ego limits our self-realization, or the ability to realize and be who we really are, by cataloging what has happened to us, good and bad, and working to help us feel safe, successful, and avoid harm. It tries to give us a sense of control, either through manipulating ourselves or others. It notices when people respond positively and negatively to us and it adapts, developing a variety of strategies to support our success and survival. For example, it notices when we are praised for doing things "right" and shunned for doing things "wrong". Depending on the circumstances, it can make our personality bigger or smaller, more passive or aggressive, conform or compensate, all in an effort to have a predictable and desirable outcome. It develops protective mechanisms that mask our true way of being, our Essence. In that protection, it becomes the dominant force in our lives, eclipsing the Soul and limiting our access to our potential. CounSouling is all about helping Ego decondition and release us from our limitations, revealing our true Essence in its reunion with Soul. With Ego's motivation and Soul's direction we can become self-realized and self-actualized.
Below is a table comparing qualities of being ego-led vs. soul-led
Ego & Soul
Through my own journey of CounSouling, I've discovered an interesting way to conceptualize why our childhood experiences continue to impact us in adulthood. It involves the relationship between our Ego and our Soul. Ego, as defined by the founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, is the conscious part of the personality that mediates between our primal impulses and moral constraints, helping us adapt and survive our lived experiences and environment. Soul, according to psychiatrist and psychotherapist, Carl Jung, the creator of Analytical Psychology, is the aspect of the psyche that connects the physical and spiritual through imagination, passion, fantasy, and reflection. Our Soul's purpose is to guide us toward self-realization, or the fulfillment of our unique potential through the realization of our true nature and essence, beyond the limitations of our Ego and this physical world.
Ego is the aspect of our psyche that helps us navigate the social and physical landscape of life. It pays attention to who and how we are in the world. It notices how we are received and perceived by others. It is adaptive and committed to protecting us. Through our early, most vulnerable experiences as children, Ego is influenced and conditioned by what makes us feel safe and unsafe. Note that safety is a relative term, meaning our brains do not differentiate between social safety and physical safety. In other words, someone who made us feel stupid, ashamed, or embarrassed can feel like we're going to die, especially in childhood when we're dependent on others for survival. We have not yet developed the ability to provide for ourselves or had enough life experience to be able to adequately understand the complexity of social interactions. Children, especially younger than age 7, think concretely and see things at face value. They do not understand intentions or other abstract concepts. Their point of view is that everything revolves around them and is about them. This is when we're most likely to take things personally, meaning if trauma happens to us during this period, we believe that there was something about us that caused it. Because of this, we adapt and try to prevent that experience from happening again. This is when our Ego begins to dominate our consciousness.
Ego limits our self-realization, or the ability to realize and be who we really are, by cataloging what has happened to us, good and bad, and working to help us feel safe, successful, and avoid harm. It tries to give us a sense of control, either through manipulating ourselves or others. It notices when people respond positively and negatively to us and it adapts, developing a variety of strategies to support our success and survival. For example, it notices when we are praised for doing things "right" and shunned for doing things "wrong". Depending on the circumstances, it can make our personality bigger or smaller, more passive or aggressive, conform or compensate, all in an effort to have a predictable and desirable outcome. It develops protective mechanisms that mask our true way of being, our Essence. In that protection, it becomes the dominant force in our lives, eclipsing the Soul and limiting our access to our potential. CounSouling is all about helping Ego decondition and release us from our limitations, revealing our true Essence in its reunion with Soul. With Ego's motivation and Soul's direction we can become self-realized and self-actualized.
Below is a table comparing qualities of being ego-led vs. soul-led
Three Births of the Human Spirit
Carl Jung described three births of the Human Spirit. The first is our physical birth, the second is the birth of our Ego, our self awareness, and the third, if we allow it, is a spiritual birth of a higher consciousness. This third birth is our journey of self-discovery and the integration of the unconscious mind into the conscious, leading to a deeper understanding of oneself and our purpose in the world. CounSouling assists with this third birth, what many call a spiritual awakening.
CounSouling, A Guide for Your Third Birth
CounSouling uses psycho-spiritual assessments, including the Enneagram, Numerology, and Human Design, to help you begin to see the real You, your true Essence. The variety of assessments that I use help bridge and unite the Ego and Soul.
The Enneagram provides insight into your Ego's protective mechanisms and allows us to explore the story of how your Ego arrived at showing up for you in these ways. It is essential that we understand and have compassion for the Ego. We want to meet it where it's at, appreciate its service, and then invite it to reconnect with Soul and allow the magic to happen. The more compassion and understanding we have the smoother this process is.
Most people recognize themselves and their Ego's protective mechanisms in the Enneagram, but knowing their Essence, their true Self, their Soul, is less familiar. Most of us have not been in our true Essence for many years, probably more than half of our lifetime. This is why I use additional psycho-spiritual assessments, such as Numerology and Human Design.
Numerology is a great way to understand your true Essence and your Soul's purpose in the world. I like to think of it as a blueprint for our Soul's plan. Our Soul incarnated to have experiences that allow it to grown and evolve as a spiritual Being. Numerology is the study of the energy of numbers. Each number has a unique vibration and influence. The numbers influencing you the most are your date of birth and your name translated into numbers. My understanding is that these numbers influence you, much like astrological elements, to provide a certain experience to facilitate your growth and evolution. I've found Numerology to be incredibly helpful in guiding people along their life's path.
Human Design is astrology-based, and includes other mystical models, such as the I Ching, the Hindu Chakra system, and the Kabbalah. Human Design helps us understand how our energy is designed to flow in the world. It's based on the awareness that we are all a unique contribution to the collective. Allowing our energy to flow optimally allows us to contribute our unique Selves optimally. As we move through life, our energy can be influenced by external forces, contributing to the conditioning of the Ego. In order to allow our energy to flow optimally, we have to decondition the Ego and allow our true Essence to flow. Ego's protective mechanisms inhibit our flow. Knowing your Human Design chart allows you to notice how your conditioned Ego is keeping you from your optimum flow and contribution to the world.
With the information from these psycho-spiritual assessments we can use evidence-based therapies to help the Ego decondition and reunite with Soul. The evidence-based therapies I use include Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). They can be used independently of each other, or together. IFS facilitates a process of meeting Ego's protective parts and working to decondition them and allow other exiled parts to emerge. EMDR provides bilateral stimulation to support Ego in recognizing its conditioning and allow it to decondition. EMDR can be helpful in IFS when parts are stuck and need help letting go of limiting beliefs and other burdens. It can also help parts move through traumatic experiences, facilitating a digestion of sorts for those memories, sensations, and emotions. They are both very powerful therapies and combining them with the psycho-spiritual assessments helps the process of the third birth, or spiritual awakening so much more clear and approachable. That doesn't mean it's easy though. A spiritual awakening can be very challenging, scary, and overwhelming for the Ego. It feels like it is dying or being abandoned. It fears change and instability. A spiritual awakening is a reorientation of your whole life from being fear-based and narrowly focused on this physical world to trusting in your power and the greatness of the Universe.
The Ego is sensitive and protective so we need to be attentive and mindful in how we approach it. Our goal is to work with the Ego. We're not forcing anything. If we are, it's really Ego driven. We meet Ego where it's at. This helps Ego learn to trust and build a relationship with Soul, your true Self. No preparation is needed. The psycho-spiritual assessments help pave the way and your own awareness of your body and emotions help guide us. It truly is an incredible experience!
Carl Jung described three births of the Human Spirit. The first is our physical birth, the second is the birth of our Ego, our self awareness, and the third, if we allow it, is a spiritual birth of a higher consciousness. This third birth is our journey of self-discovery and the integration of the unconscious mind into the conscious, leading to a deeper understanding of oneself and our purpose in the world. CounSouling assists with this third birth, what many call a spiritual awakening.
CounSouling, A Guide for Your Third Birth
CounSouling uses psycho-spiritual assessments, including the Enneagram, Numerology, and Human Design, to help you begin to see the real You, your true Essence. The variety of assessments that I use help bridge and unite the Ego and Soul.
The Enneagram provides insight into your Ego's protective mechanisms and allows us to explore the story of how your Ego arrived at showing up for you in these ways. It is essential that we understand and have compassion for the Ego. We want to meet it where it's at, appreciate its service, and then invite it to reconnect with Soul and allow the magic to happen. The more compassion and understanding we have the smoother this process is.
Most people recognize themselves and their Ego's protective mechanisms in the Enneagram, but knowing their Essence, their true Self, their Soul, is less familiar. Most of us have not been in our true Essence for many years, probably more than half of our lifetime. This is why I use additional psycho-spiritual assessments, such as Numerology and Human Design.
Numerology is a great way to understand your true Essence and your Soul's purpose in the world. I like to think of it as a blueprint for our Soul's plan. Our Soul incarnated to have experiences that allow it to grown and evolve as a spiritual Being. Numerology is the study of the energy of numbers. Each number has a unique vibration and influence. The numbers influencing you the most are your date of birth and your name translated into numbers. My understanding is that these numbers influence you, much like astrological elements, to provide a certain experience to facilitate your growth and evolution. I've found Numerology to be incredibly helpful in guiding people along their life's path.
Human Design is astrology-based, and includes other mystical models, such as the I Ching, the Hindu Chakra system, and the Kabbalah. Human Design helps us understand how our energy is designed to flow in the world. It's based on the awareness that we are all a unique contribution to the collective. Allowing our energy to flow optimally allows us to contribute our unique Selves optimally. As we move through life, our energy can be influenced by external forces, contributing to the conditioning of the Ego. In order to allow our energy to flow optimally, we have to decondition the Ego and allow our true Essence to flow. Ego's protective mechanisms inhibit our flow. Knowing your Human Design chart allows you to notice how your conditioned Ego is keeping you from your optimum flow and contribution to the world.
With the information from these psycho-spiritual assessments we can use evidence-based therapies to help the Ego decondition and reunite with Soul. The evidence-based therapies I use include Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). They can be used independently of each other, or together. IFS facilitates a process of meeting Ego's protective parts and working to decondition them and allow other exiled parts to emerge. EMDR provides bilateral stimulation to support Ego in recognizing its conditioning and allow it to decondition. EMDR can be helpful in IFS when parts are stuck and need help letting go of limiting beliefs and other burdens. It can also help parts move through traumatic experiences, facilitating a digestion of sorts for those memories, sensations, and emotions. They are both very powerful therapies and combining them with the psycho-spiritual assessments helps the process of the third birth, or spiritual awakening so much more clear and approachable. That doesn't mean it's easy though. A spiritual awakening can be very challenging, scary, and overwhelming for the Ego. It feels like it is dying or being abandoned. It fears change and instability. A spiritual awakening is a reorientation of your whole life from being fear-based and narrowly focused on this physical world to trusting in your power and the greatness of the Universe.
The Ego is sensitive and protective so we need to be attentive and mindful in how we approach it. Our goal is to work with the Ego. We're not forcing anything. If we are, it's really Ego driven. We meet Ego where it's at. This helps Ego learn to trust and build a relationship with Soul, your true Self. No preparation is needed. The psycho-spiritual assessments help pave the way and your own awareness of your body and emotions help guide us. It truly is an incredible experience!
Growing through what you go through
A key aspect of CounSouling is growing through what you go through. This is because our Soul is here to experience, learn, grow, and evolve. Our Soul planned our influences by choosing what day, time, place, and name we would have for our birth. You can think of it like programming that facilitates our Soul to have the experiences it wants for this part of its spiritual development. This is why this is the data that is used in calculating your Numerology, Human Design, Astrology, etc.. That said, most people who are unaware of our Soul's mission do not realize they are supposed to evolve through their experiences. This is because the Ego is leading them. Ego sees our experiences as reasons to protect us and limit us. For example, I've been divorced. My Ego could see that as evidence that I should never get married again, or even consider dating another human again. However, my Soul learned a lot from that relationship and the things I went through in the process of separating from my former spouse. Given my psycho-spiritual charts, I trust that my Soul planned that experience. My Ego felt like I was a failure, but my Soul knew I had accomplished something big and "leveled up" in life because of all that I learned. Without my spiritual awakening my Ego and Soul would not have been able to meet and reconcile their views on that event. Now, my Ego works with my Soul to use my stories to help others. This is something that my charts also show is part of my experience in this life, which is so validating for me in feeling like I'm on the right path! This is what I hope to help you and others with: insight, support, validation, and celebration of your Ego and Soul in helping you fulfill your path in this life.